Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Midnight Report

Long time no blog. Maybe this urge will go away on a few months. Maybe even a few weeks. All I know is as of this moment I want to try and be skinny. I haven't gained so I'm still around 123 lbs and I want to be 110. Every so often this feeling comes back, no matter how hard I try to ignore it. Honestly, I've been really happy lately and I have no desire to go back to being antisocial and depressed............but sometimes I just want to be pretty. One moment I truly believe the complements of others, but quietly in the back of my mind, Ana is always whispering. And sometimes that whispering gets a little louder. After that it doesn't take much.

Tips and tricks are welcome, as well as any recommended diets. We'll see if my mom will let me go on a vegetable juice cleanse in the name of healthier eating ^_~ Wish me luck!!
P.S. It's midnight. Hence, the title.


Monday, July 15, 2013

A New Start

Hi! I've been stuck in a rut lately because all my friends eat like crap and I've been staying at their houses a lot. I can feel (and see) my body hating the junk I've been stuffing it with :/ Lukily, my metabolism isn't too bad so I'm still at 123 pounds. Don't get me wrong, that is not a number I like to see, but its so much better than 130 or even 125. I haven't been able to sleep until 3 am for about a week now, mostly due to lack of exercise (no ballet for the last two weeks). Classes start again tomorrow and I'm hoping they'll help my sleep schedule :) 

I really want to start eating better. Less sugar, bread, salt, processed food..... etc. Maybe I'll let myself have one sweet treat per week but not much more than that. 

Starving doesn't work as well as it used to for me. I only end up binging and, ultimately, getting nowhere. 

Hard work pays off. Trust me <3

Friday, July 5, 2013

Just A Quick Hello

Hi! I just got back from watching the fireworks to celebrate Independence Day with my friends and family. I wanted to write this for anyone who reads my blog. I'm not sure how long I will continue this, but I wont vanish again. For now I'll keep post at least every-other day. I guess you could say I hate myself less these days. Then again, summer usually has less stress for me and maybe it will return with the school year. Taking it one day at a time.

Hope everyone is doing well :) Have a lovely week where ever you are <3


Thursday, July 4, 2013

What to Say......

Hello everyone! I really don't know what to say after such a long absence. I'm sorry I stopped posting so suddenly :( I know exactly how it feels to wonder what happened to a blogger. Are they happy? Sad? Dying? .....Dead? I used to follow a girl who blogged every month or so. At first I wasn't too worried when she didn't post for a while, but as more and more months went by I began to wonder if she was okay. Her last post hadn't been all that cheerful either. All I could do was hope she was living her life maybe someday she would let us know how she was. 

I really didn't intend to leave for so long. I could see myself posting every few days for a long, long time. So when I say this was unexpected, I really mean it. I guess you could say I've changed, but I am always changing. I'm trying not to think too much about calories and fat percentages. For a while I just ate whatever and didn't even try to restrict. Dieting doesn't work for me, that much I know. I get way too obsessed with food when I diet and that just ends up causing me to eat more.

I believe I am currently still at 123 pounds. I am trying not to eat so much junk food and sugar. I exercise most days (sometimes it's just cleaning the house for my mom XD). I'm letting my schedule be more fluid, while at the same time making sure I fit in the necessary things. It seems to be working so far :P I love summer.

Just know, if I don't post, I am okay. I do want to continue this blog because there are so many supportive people here and sometimes I need to say things I can't say to anyone else. Hopefully I'll post tomorrow. I want to :) 


Sunday, May 19, 2013

Three Weeks and I'm Free!

Only three weeks left. Just. Three. Weeks. Then, no more school. For two months I don't have to sit in a classroom all day :) That makes me happy. Summer is my favorite time of the year because life feels happier, lighter, free-er, better. That's how it should be. But then again maybe it wouldn't be so amazing if I didn't spend the rest of the year wishing for it. It's like candy. If you eat it all the time it's no longer a treat. I'll just have to enjoy it while it lasts :)

I don't know what I weigh right now. Nor do I want to know. It's probably bad. When I see the number I might swear to never eat again. two hours later I'll break my promise. That's how it goes most of the time. Sometimes I am strong. I don't eat, and nothing can break me....................until something does. Then I let myself down. 

Got my period yesterday. Fuck that. I'm so frickin bloated and gross today. As usual I got a fat pimple in the middle of my face. Yay for hormones. I haven't restricted since Thursday. I have three hours of ballet rehearsal tomorrow. I think I need to go to bed early tonight.

Just so you all know, I have no intention to stop blogging. I realize my posts are less frequent these days, but I'm not going to dwindle out on you guys :) This blog is just getting started, and the people who are currently following me are amazing. Thanks Loves!!


Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Day By Day

Good evening lovelies! Yesterday and today went well. I didn't drink any tea, actually, but only ate dinner and drank water. I've been feeling really weak today, which doesn't usually happen when I restrict. Maybe my body just isn't used to it............ I dunno. I'm thinking I'll prepare my food for Friday the night before so that I have everything I am going to eat planned out and ready. I'm trying to experiment to find out what works on the days I don't have school. 

My weight today was 121.6 pounds in the morning and the 121.0 when I got home. I'm trying for 120 by the end of tomorrow and over the four days I don't have school maybe I'll get a three pound drop :) If I really keep inspired and on track I think I can make this weekend a successful one! 

Lots going on with ballet theses days in preparation for our show :) Today, we spent most of class going over choreography and staging because the performance is in only two weeks!! My pre-pointe's have broken in a little so they are softer and don't hurt my feet as much. I'm still not sure if I'll be wearing them for the show............I should probably ask about that XD

Have I told you how much I want school to be over? If only it was summer already :P
Hope you all have a fantastic week!! <3

Monday, May 13, 2013

Tomorrow's Another Opportunity

This weekend has not been any better than the last..........well, maybe a little. I exercised more, but food-wise I ate whatever. I'll have to try harder next time, make some sort of plan I guess, learn from my mistakes. Tomorrow I'll only have tea and water if I can get away with it. I'll eat dinner ONLY if I am being urged to (my mom get suspicious easily and is always telling me I eat like crap :/ ) If it doesn't make me too weak, I'll do this for the next three days, throwing in a fruit smoothie if I need a boost. I really want to be toned for summer, and I know it's possible :) Crunches here I come!!

Hope everyone is doing well! These last few weeks of school are so torturous with summer vacation just around the corner. I want to get through them as quickly as possible, only two more years to go after this!!
Thanks for reading, and sorry for such a short and uneventful post. Nothing all that exciting is happening these days :P 

xoxo <3

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Three Days, Three Pounds

I'm sure you can see from the title that I have lost three pounds as of today. That puts me back at 120 lbs, and I intend to lose more over the next few weeks. The weekends are the struggle. Recently, I have been losing weight during the week (Tue-Thur for me) and then putting it back on over the weekend due to sugary and unhealthy binge-foods. If I can get through these next four days doing just as good as the days I go to school and have ballet, then I'm sure I can be a lot lower by next week :)

Today I actually ate a little more than usual in an attempt at a scheduled binge. My aim was to speed up my metabolism and get it out of restriction mode, as well as to curb some cravings so they don't pop up over the weekend. I have a Pilates class first thing tomorrow morning and then I'll play some Just Dance :) I need to really distract myself because I'll be home all day and food will be so tempting. Wish me luck for the weekend :P

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Not Much to Report

Hello! Nothing major or drastic has happened in the last few days so I don't really have much to say. I haven't eaten much today. No breakfast or lunch, and half of a large sandwich for dinner. I'm actually eating jellybeans at the moment........not the best idea, but it's quite difficult to resist sugar :/ Judging by my weight this morning I have lost about a pound since yesterday. Hopefully there will be a better number tomorrow. I played some Just Dance with my little brother and sister for about a half hour. Damn! I get so sweaty from that game :) I had two hours of ballet before that so I've probably burnt off most of my calories.

By the way if you read this feel free to drop me a comment! I love to hear from you guys. Makes it feel like I'm not just talking to an empty room.............unless it really is an empty room XD

~Anywho...... <3

Monday, May 6, 2013

Vintage Thinspiration

I have been pigging out HARDCORE today. It is Sunday (my treat day), but I think maybe I took it too far.......
On the bright-side, we got the Wii game Just Dance and it's actually a really fun way to exercise :) My plan for tomorrow looks like a water and fruit. I really need a day of simple, non-processed food. The wedding trip was a lot of unhealthy foods and sugar. I never really binged or overate, but everything was pretty fattening, and frankly it made me a little sick. My body just feels better when I eat healthy..........more pure.

Only five more weeks of school left!! I wish I could just fast forward and get this all over with. High-school really is a drag when you're tired of dealing with the people there. It feels like I'm just wasting my time. I wanna be in college already!!

The actual wedding was nice. I got to meet a lot of relatives for the first time and my grandma (she took us) practically word-barfed nonstop the entire day. By "word-barf" I mean she told me a ton of stuff about her past and all the houses she lived in. I think it was mostly for herself but she directed it all at me because I happened to be in the passenger seat. So much freaking word-barf. It was mostly irrelevant :P 


Friday, May 3, 2013

Wedding Trip

Hey everyone :) I'm enjoying a rare moment of SILENCE in the hotel room at the moment. My two younger siblings went down to the pool with my Grandma for a last-minute swim. It took about 4 hours to get here from where we live. It'll take another hour to get to the wedding location tomorrow. 

Food-wise, today has been okay........not the greatest, but that's a little hard on road trip when you have less control :/ The good thing is I haven't gorged on anything so the calorie count is probably manageable. I don't know what I weigh today.......but I am going to try for 115 lbs this week. Or closer to it :) 
~Bye my lovelies <3

Wednesday, May 1, 2013


Hellooo there! I haven't slipped up at all since my last post :) I'm not depriving myself too much, because that just results in binges. I had a banana for breakfast and then, when I got home at around 6:45 pm, I had an apple. My mom made dinner, which consisted of a thin piece of pork, broccoli and a little less than a cup of brown rice. I had a few pretzels afterwards, but not enough to make that big of a difference. Also, I danced in my new shoes (pre-pointe) in ballet yesterday and today. They are giving me a blister so I really need some toe-tape!! Sadly my local dance supply store NEVER has any............I'll probably just get it online. Bleh.

I weighed 121.4 lbs this morning and then 120.6 when I got home :) Maybe tomorrow I'll see the 119's? My last day of testing is tomorrow which is a relief. I can sleep in a little too, because I don't have to be there until 10 am. Yay! Hope everyone is enjoying the spring weather!! Hopefully I'll be 110 lbs in the near future so I can post some pics :)
~Lurv Ya <3

Monday, April 29, 2013

I See Progress!!

I just spent most of my afternoon sewing ribbons and elastic onto my pre-pointe shoes. I didn't realize how long it took...........or maybe it's just me being a noob :P Either way it's pretty late right now so I gotta keep this post on the shorter side.

I weighed 122.4 lbs this morning and then 121.4 when I got home :) I see progress. Hopefully I'll get even more of a loss tomorrow. Squeee!! I'm so excited to were my pretty shoes!! Heheh, I probably sound so weird right now, but it's EXCITING.

Oh, also I'm going to a wedding this weekend. It's a few hours away from where I live so I'll probably be leaving Friday and getting back Sunday. Now that I think about it that will help me avoid weekend-binging :)
Life is good right now. Except school. That still sucks. But whatever.

I'm in such an odd mood right now XD Hope you guys are being awesome!! Luv ya <3

Can you tell I love Lana? heehee..... :)

By the way, this video does not belong to me.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

I Hear the Birds on the Summer Breeze

I don't know how to eat when I don't have a schedule. I get pretty bored and restless over the weekends and that usually results in snacking. One more day and then I have testing at school and ballet on Mon-Thurs.

Today has been pretty chill and I have been vegging out on the computer since this morning. My neighbor was over a little while ago (not the skinny on.....hehe) and we were taking turns holding her baby. Not an actual is made out of a bag of flour and socks. Her class is doing that pretend baby exercise, except they don't have the really expensive ones that make sounds and wake you up at night. 

I haven't weighed myself since Friday.....I was about 121 then. At the moment I really don't feel up to a diet because they really have not worked all that well for me. If I deprive myself I will end up binging and that just makes everything worse :/ Hope you guys are doing well and enjoying the spring weather..........unless the part of the earth you're on has a different season in April XD Lately all the trees have been sprouting their new green leaves and it makes my backyard look really jungle-y. 

Here's an awesome song that has been stuck in my head today. Enjoy! Love you guys <3

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Pre-Pointe Shoes

Hey people! Lately I have been working my ass off with ballet and school. The picture above is my pair of pre-pointe shoes that I got just a few hours ago :) I still have yet to sew on the elastic and ribbons but I thought I'd post a picture for you case you're interested :P I can't go all the way up into full pointe (on my toes) in these shoes because they do not have all the support of an actual pointe shoe. Regardless, they're still freaking awesome and I am incredibly stoked to have gotten to this level :) Hopefully by September (2013) I'll be getting my first pair of ACTUAL pointe shoes!!

Okay, 'nuf said about that. Let's talk about weight. This morning I weighed myself and was 121.8 lbs. Directly after school and ballet I weighed myself again and was 121 exactly :) Now, this may seem to be a gain because I haven't posted in FOREVER, but actually it is a drop of two pounds since Sunday. When I last posted I was around 125 lbs because I had not weighed myself in a few days. The day after I posted I realized I was, in fact 125 and not 120 lbs (like I said on my blog). I'm actually pretty happy with the way things are going at the moment. I seem to have broken my incessant craving to eat and it's making it oh-so much easier.

To ease myself back into blogging I'll start by posting every other day. For now. I think, because I did not lose any weight for the entirety of the time I was blogging, I subconsciously thought there was some sort of a connection between weight-loss and blogging everyday. I really didn't want to go back to that so I cringed away form posting here. Just a hypothesis :P

Friday, April 12, 2013

I'm Alive!!!

Long time no blog! My life felt like it was missing something for a while because I didn't have access to my computer or internet :/ There are so many new things I want to share!

Reason for not blogging: I skipped a bunch of school which resulted in a confiscated computer and an iPod blocked from the internet (my dad is really good with computer technology and related stuff so I was kinda screwed.......).

Life Updates: I am now going to school only on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. Monday and Fridays I will study at home :) It is starting to really warm up where I live and I think that is helping to minimize all of the comfort-food cravings.

Weight-loss? FAIL. I am at 120 lbs right now........... Not on a diet. Oh, and that Russian Gymnast thing lasted about a day D:

My Plan: Not blogging has shown me something. Blogging every day tends to make me obsess over what I eat and that makes me stress, and THAT makes me eat (among other things). I think I'll blog less frequently now, but I'll make sure it is a minimum of once a week.....Most likely on a Friday :)