10 Pictures

One Day, One Victory

Smiley Face!! I'm glad today went well :) It wasn't perfect, but I kept food to a minimum and mostly ate fruit. For breakfast I downed a glass of orange juice before scrambling out the door. Lunch was one orange, snacks after school were the following: Two small oranges, a few bites of meat, a small cheese stick, one hard boiled egg and a small bowl of white rice. Again, it wasn't perfect, regardless I am happy about my intake.

I have this paper thing due tomorrow and I have had all of spring break to finish it. BUT. I am a true procrastinator and I saved the ending for tonight. Yay me -__-. Gotta get started on that...........

Good luck to all of you trying to lose weight! The followers of this blog have grown again and it's now at 10 :) It's fun to watch the numbers go up <3

Russian Gymnast Diet

I am starting this diet tomorrow morning and my last day will be Monday, April 8th. For the next week I am going to focus on sticking to the diet and only making changes to it that are completely necessary and will help me stay on track. On my last diet, I don't think I took it seriously enough and as a result, did not lose any weight from it. I'm not sure if I will lose fifteen pounds (although that would put me at my ideal weight).......Hopefully I do lose a nice chunk of weight to get me started. Of course, anyone is welcome to join me and I think it would make it a little easier knowing someone else is going through the same thing :)

I am weighing myself in the morning for a solid start weight. REALLY hoping I am not above 121 lbs. This is going to be a fat burning seven days :)

Epic Easter Failures

Easter is OFFICIALLY my least favorite holiday. For multiple reasons. Oh, and sorry I've been a little M.I.A. for the past two days......... I stayed over at my neighbor's house.

Back to the topic of Easter...... There is a little story that goes with it, and I'm pretty sure it has something to do with my disordered eating. 

     It all started about two years ago. When I turned 14 (in November of 2010), my dad had begun to sink into the deep dark hole of depression. At first it just seemed like he was really tired, and I didn't realize it was so much more than that. We didn't see him for maybe a week at a time and then two or three. My parents were separated (they never actually married because they don't believe in marriage, but it was the same as a divorce), so my dad would come over to my mom's house where we lived to hang out with me and my siblings. By the time Christmas rolled around, we hadn't seen my dad for a while but he still came to celebrate with us. I can't remember exactly but I don't think we saw him after that until Easter. He had disappeared from our lives without a word and left us lost. I remember the feeling of never knowing when or if  I would see him again. 

     On Easter day, my mom told me my dad had called her crying that he wanted to apologize and come back into our lives. I was incredibly angry and hurt and refused to see him, so I spent the night with my neighbor. I hated how it felt like he could just waltz in and out of our lives and I couldn't forgive him for that horrible winter of waiting. That was when I needed control. I couldn't deal with it by hugging him and letting him make it up to me. So I started restricting and tried so hard not to eat the foods I loved. By June of 2011 I had lost a few pounds. That was the end of my eighth grade year and the dread of high-school set in. Having gone to the same small school with the same people and teachers since kindergarten, I could barely imagine life any other way. In June, I went from 117 to 110 pounds, gaining the attention of my mother. She didn't send me away or take me to a therapist, but she definitely noticed. I spent that summer eating barely half of what my friend ate and making up stories about how "I ate a ton before I came". 

     When school started, I gained the weight back bit by bit and began to use food as my comfort item. Last year I got horrible grades and was grounded for most of the second semester. I've been at the same weight for about a year now and have hated every minute of it. I think it's time I get out of this enormous rut and start living again. 

Hope that story was comprehensible....... my writing skills could use an improvement :P Feel free to ask questions or comment on anything :) The story could have been so much longer but it wasn't necessary.  Feels good to get that off my chest. <3

Back On Track

As I look back, today has been a decent success :) My intake was good and I didn't have any candy or sugary things other than fruit. My dad made pizza for dinner so I kinda felt like I had to eat some, so as not to be insulting. It was really delicious and I ended up having two pieces but, well, it could have been worse. Two hours of ballet, stretching and 120 crunches was my exercise. I'm a little nervous about tomorrow because there is not class to structure my day around. I might go for a walk up the hill near my house......... Yeah, I really need to get more cardio in my daily routine. 

So, lets talk intake. Breakfast was a cup of orange juice, yum! For lunch I had half an apple and a kiwi for a fruit salad as well as another cup of orange juice. Then I ate the other half of the apple for a snack before ballet. Dinner was two pieces of pizza followed by 48 ounces of water. Wow, I didn't realize how much I drank until just now :) I think I'll weigh myself tomorrow morning and hope fully I'll be at least at 119 pounds. Here's hoping!

Self-Control

These days I find myself thinking of all the things I need to get done and then realizing how many there are. Stress is starting to creep upon me and that's the last thing I need. When I get overwhelmed with school or deadlines I tend to start procrastinating hardcore. Maybe before my spring vacation is over I'll get some of the stuff done that has been piling up. It's not a good feeling when you know you should get something done now or you'll regret it later, and yet you still don't do it. 

Anywho..... Today has been better than yesterday, but still not perfect. I ate only fruit and veggies for the most part, except for a bagel and a few chips. Tomorrow I'll shoot for less starchy food and try to ween myself off of it in the next few days. At this point I need to keep binges to a minimum and try to be a little bit better everyday :) As well as sticking more to my word when I say I will do something diet-wise. Blogging has brought to my attention that I am a bit flaky when it comes to following a routine and practicing self-control/willpower.

Detox Diet

Today could definitely have gone a million times better, but it didn't. At this point I don't really have time to give up, so everyday is a new struggle. First thing this morning I binged which is a horrible way to start the day. It made me feel really sick for a while afterwards. I had a two hour ballet class in the afternoon so I got some exercise in :) Then, in an attempt to save the day I ate only a few bites of dinner and gave the rest to my little sister. Buuut then I had a bagel a bunch of tortilla chips after everyone went to bed. MY WEAKNESS.

I'm thinking tomorrow's food will only consist of fruits and veggies because all these starches and binge foods are really beginning to feel disgusting as they sit in my stomach and make me fat. I just want to be rid of them and I think I am actually quite a bit addicted to sugar, salt and starches. 

Today was the last day of SGD and I really don't think I tried as hard as I could have. Maybe if I actually stuck to it everyday I would have lost weight. I think sometimes I would lie to myself about the calories and really that doesn't make it better because that way I wont lose weight. I am so frustrating to myself at times. I feel like every time I post on here it is so describe another day of failure. That really needs to stop. Yeah. I need to step up my game because if I don't, nothing is going to change and that is what I'm afraid of.

Stay with me people. I'll struggle harder for you tomorrow <3