Just A Quick Hello

Hi! I just got back from watching the fireworks to celebrate Independence Day with my friends and family. I wanted to write this for anyone who reads my blog. I'm not sure how long I will continue this, but I wont vanish again. For now I'll keep post at least every-other day. I guess you could say I hate myself less these days. Then again, summer usually has less stress for me and maybe it will return with the school year. Taking it one day at a time.

Hope everyone is doing well :) Have a lovely week where ever you are <3

~Cali

What to Say......

Hello everyone! I really don't know what to say after such a long absence. I'm sorry I stopped posting so suddenly :( I know exactly how it feels to wonder what happened to a blogger. Are they happy? Sad? Dying? .....Dead? I used to follow a girl who blogged every month or so. At first I wasn't too worried when she didn't post for a while, but as more and more months went by I began to wonder if she was okay. Her last post hadn't been all that cheerful either. All I could do was hope she was living her life maybe someday she would let us know how she was. 

I really didn't intend to leave for so long. I could see myself posting every few days for a long, long time. So when I say this was unexpected, I really mean it. I guess you could say I've changed, but I am always changing. I'm trying not to think too much about calories and fat percentages. For a while I just ate whatever and didn't even try to restrict. Dieting doesn't work for me, that much I know. I get way too obsessed with food when I diet and that just ends up causing me to eat more.

I believe I am currently still at 123 pounds. I am trying not to eat so much junk food and sugar. I exercise most days (sometimes it's just cleaning the house for my mom XD). I'm letting my schedule be more fluid, while at the same time making sure I fit in the necessary things. It seems to be working so far :P I love summer.

Just know, if I don't post, I am okay. I do want to continue this blog because there are so many supportive people here and sometimes I need to say things I can't say to anyone else. Hopefully I'll post tomorrow. I want to :) 

~Cali

Three Weeks and I'm Free!

Only three weeks left. Just. Three. Weeks. Then, no more school. For two months I don't have to sit in a classroom all day :) That makes me happy. Summer is my favorite time of the year because life feels happier, lighter, free-er, better. That's how it should be. But then again maybe it wouldn't be so amazing if I didn't spend the rest of the year wishing for it. It's like candy. If you eat it all the time it's no longer a treat. I'll just have to enjoy it while it lasts :)

I don't know what I weigh right now. Nor do I want to know. It's probably bad. When I see the number I might swear to never eat again. two hours later I'll break my promise. That's how it goes most of the time. Sometimes I am strong. I don't eat, and nothing can break me....................until something does. Then I let myself down. 

Got my period yesterday. Fuck that. I'm so frickin bloated and gross today. As usual I got a fat pimple in the middle of my face. Yay for hormones. I haven't restricted since Thursday. I have three hours of ballet rehearsal tomorrow. I think I need to go to bed early tonight.

Just so you all know, I have no intention to stop blogging. I realize my posts are less frequent these days, but I'm not going to dwindle out on you guys :) This blog is just getting started, and the people who are currently following me are amazing. Thanks Loves!!

~Cali

Day By Day

Good evening lovelies! Yesterday and today went well. I didn't drink any tea, actually, but only ate dinner and drank water. I've been feeling really weak today, which doesn't usually happen when I restrict. Maybe my body just isn't used to it............ I dunno. I'm thinking I'll prepare my food for Friday the night before so that I have everything I am going to eat planned out and ready. I'm trying to experiment to find out what works on the days I don't have school. 

My weight today was 121.6 pounds in the morning and the 121.0 when I got home. I'm trying for 120 by the end of tomorrow and over the four days I don't have school maybe I'll get a three pound drop :) If I really keep inspired and on track I think I can make this weekend a successful one! 

Lots going on with ballet theses days in preparation for our show :) Today, we spent most of class going over choreography and staging because the performance is in only two weeks!! My pre-pointe's have broken in a little so they are softer and don't hurt my feet as much. I'm still not sure if I'll be wearing them for the show............I should probably ask about that XD

Have I told you how much I want school to be over? If only it was summer already :P

Hope you all have a fantastic week!! <3

Tomorrow's Another Opportunity

This weekend has not been any better than the last..........well, maybe a little. I exercised more, but food-wise I ate whatever. I'll have to try harder next time, make some sort of plan I guess, learn from my mistakes. Tomorrow I'll only have tea and water if I can get away with it. I'll eat dinner ONLY if I am being urged to (my mom get suspicious easily and is always telling me I eat like crap :/ ) If it doesn't make me too weak, I'll do this for the next three days, throwing in a fruit smoothie if I need a boost. I really want to be toned for summer, and I know it's possible :) Crunches here I come!!

Hope everyone is doing well! These last few weeks of school are so torturous with summer vacation just around the corner. I want to get through them as quickly as possible, only two more years to go after this!!

Thanks for reading, and sorry for such a short and uneventful post. Nothing all that exciting is happening these days :P 

xoxo <3

Three Days, Three Pounds

I'm sure you can see from the title that I have lost three pounds as of today. That puts me back at 120 lbs, and I intend to lose more over the next few weeks. The weekends are the struggle. Recently, I have been losing weight during the week (Tue-Thur for me) and then putting it back on over the weekend due to sugary and unhealthy binge-foods. If I can get through these next four days doing just as good as the days I go to school and have ballet, then I'm sure I can be a lot lower by next week :)

Today I actually ate a little more than usual in an attempt at a scheduled binge. My aim was to speed up my metabolism and get it out of restriction mode, as well as to curb some cravings so they don't pop up over the weekend. I have a Pilates class first thing tomorrow morning and then I'll play some Just Dance :) I need to really distract myself because I'll be home all day and food will be so tempting. Wish me luck for the weekend :P

Not Much to Report

Hello! Nothing major or drastic has happened in the last few days so I don't really have much to say. I haven't eaten much today. No breakfast or lunch, and half of a large sandwich for dinner. I'm actually eating jellybeans at the moment........not the best idea, but it's quite difficult to resist sugar :/ Judging by my weight this morning I have lost about a pound since yesterday. Hopefully there will be a better number tomorrow. I played some Just Dance with my little brother and sister for about a half hour. Damn! I get so sweaty from that game :) I had two hours of ballet before that so I've probably burnt off most of my calories.

By the way if you read this feel free to drop me a comment! I love to hear from you guys. Makes it feel like I'm not just talking to an empty room.............unless it really is an empty room XD

~Anywho...... <3