I'll Be Stronger

I am so ashamed right now. I let you down and I let myself down. I am tired of feeling this way and I want tomorrow to be better. The next time I want to eat I will try to remember how it feels to be stuffed and disgusted. Food can't make me feel better. It only makes it worse and I need to keep that in mind.

I am going to try not to let this drag me down, and tomorrow morning I'll get up without food and go to bed without food. I don't care if it's painful, or even if I have to leave my house to avoid dinner. I don't care. I am going to prove to myself that it is possible to have control.

Not sure what my intake was today because I stopped counting when it got bad :/ I did manage to exercise but then I made cookies and it went downhill fast from there. I hope everyone is doing well. Reading your blogs has become like a nightly ritual for me :) Stay Strong <3

Everyday Is The Same.

Why don't I have stronger will power? When I don't eat, I want food SO bad and then once I eat I regret it!! It's a vicious cycle and it hasn't gotten me anywhere near skinny. I remember when I was at my lowest weigh two years ago and I never really binged. Since then I have spiraled out of control and I need to get back there. I'm switching school for next year and I want to start over thin and confidant. I don't know whether to use negative or positive motivation.........I just need to be thin. Everything these days reminds me how I am failing at achieving this one. Simple. Goal. Lately my mom has even gotten thinner than me and it freaks me out how out of control this all is.

I think I'll leave it at that and hopefully I'll have something better to post tomorrow. After school is always my weakest point in the day and today it pretty much ruined me :( Good night <3 Thanks for all of your support!!

Chocolate and Valentine's Day

  

  Valentine's day. A day you absolutely hate or love. Personally I think there is just too much pink EVERYwhere today.....buuuut in the holiday spirit why not have some fun. 

  For me today wasn't much different from any normal Thursday. I think I have a boyfriend, but at the moment things are a bit confusing....lets just say we might get back together but nothing's set in stone at this point. Urgg. Also I have had quite a bit of sugar today....chocolate, cake, lollipop, cookie and a snickers bar. But not to worry, I shall fast tomorrow! 

  I am very proud of myself for posting everyday! Yay me! At first I was nervous it was going to be like a chore but I actually find it pretty fun. It's like writing in my journal and it helps me wind down at the end of the day. Hopefully sometime soon here I'll get some comments....I am itching to interact with the public!

  So. No school for me tomorrow so I will keep you all updated and stuff :) 

<3 Pink and Hearts! Or not... for those of you who abhor this holiday. I totally get that.

And for those of you who are pissed today......