SGD Day 4. Lana Del Ray!

Um. I think I need to JUST STOP EATING. I hate the feeling of being full!! And I always forget that before I eat. Lately I have been comfort eating WAY too much and it really fucking blows. I need to be more strict with myself so. Here's the plan: Fast tomorrow. And Saturday. And hope, hope, hopefully Sunday :P Today could easily have been worse but one hour of modern dance (120 crunches baby!) and two hours of ballet kicked my butt. 

Lana Del Ray. I recently discovered her and her songs are fantastic. The first song I heard by her was Kinda Outta Luck and I immediately fell in love with it! Check her out if you don't who she is and maybe you'll like her too :) Her real name is actually Lizzy Grant but Lana Del Ray is her far more popular stage name.

And finally what I ate today:

• 1 slice potato bread (100)
• Pretzels (165)
• 2 Strawberry toaster pastries (400)
• A piece of a chicken breast (71)
• 1 cup white rice (242)
• Tortilla Chips (260)
• 3 Tbs chunky salsa (12)

Total = 1,250 calories (WAY too much!)          Limit = 500

Exercise = -967

Net = 283

I promise I'll do worlds better tomorrow. Stay with me people. I will succeed!

~The difference between want and need is self control :) 

You want to look like this don't you?

I know I do <3

Update on SGD

SGD Day 3!!

Yesterday was the first time I missed posting :( So sad. My perfect record is now not so perfect. I was actually sick yesterday and didn't get to go see that dance movie I mentioned. I was planning on a post but I went to bed really early and this morning realized I never got around to it. Skipped dinner because I was tired and fell asleep. I did manage to work out a bit and did jumping jacks for five minutes (I like to do them while watching upbeat thinspo videos) and then 120 crunches. Later I did a 6 minute circuit training video. I burned off any extra calories and stayed at no more than 300 hundred. 

So today I went to school and did my hour and fifteen minute ballet class afterwards. According to the app. I use called Lose It! that burned off 448 calories. 

What I ate:

• 1 small candy bar = 42
• 10 tortilla chips = 170
• 3 Tbs chunky salsa = 12
• 1/2 cup white rice = 81

 Total = 305 calories           Limit = 400 calories

            -448

           = -143

So the net calorie number is zero. Which. Is. Awesome!!

I reeeaaally want to be at least 119 lbs this weekend. Hopefully less :)

Welcome to the newest follower!! gtbSkinnny :) 

I <3 Thinspo!

SGD Day 1.

My first day on the Skinny Girl Diet has gone well :) I'm glad that it's off to a good start and I so motivated right now! I want to lose about 8 pounds (3.6 kg) in the next four weeks because after that I have spring vacation for two weeks and I SO want to be thin. I'm going on a little trip with my friend/neighbor and her mom in the beginning of march so I don't want to have to hide myself under frumpy sweatshirts. I'm thinking 120 crunches EVERYDAY and I'll try for 30 minutes of cardio (jumping jacks, jogging in place....etc.) in my house because by I leave early in the morning and by the time I get home it's already pretty dark outside.

I can't remember if I said this in a previous post but my ballet instructor told me a few weeks ago that I might be able to start pointe work in the fall :D I am beyond excited and I want to be super strong, limber and of course thin. 

My intake today was:

• Half and egg salad sandwich (150)
• A little stir fry that my mother cooked up for dinner (100)
• One Chobani Greek yogurt banana flavored. The zero% fat kind (160)

Limit = 400 cal

Yes that is ten calories over the limit for the first day but does that really make a difference? I'm thinking not.

P.S. I didn't go to school today because I hadn't finished my World History project. I'm so horrible!! Told my mother I had a stomach ache but a don't think she believed me......she did't say anything though, probably because this is only the fourth day I've missed this entire school year and I do have all A's soooo :P

I will try my hardest to post tomorrow but I'm getting home pretty late because I'll be watching a movie about ballet. And now for the traditional thinspiration pictures <3

Dreams of a Skinny Future

Today has been average. I didn't eat until the point of bursting, nor did I starve. Actually, I'd say today was a healthy day without the usual extremities that cloud a normal eating habit. For breakfast I had one apple with about a tablespoon of peanut butter. The peanut butter does have quite a few calories but it's supposed to be the healthy kind (Unlike a cheese burger/junk food calories). Then later I had toast with jam and green tea with a little sugar. At around 2 pm I ate an egg salad sandwich with my mom, and again a few hours later I had more apple with peanut butter. So maybe that isn't exactly low in the calorie department but I feel like that is how a normal person would eat. Without the obsessions of food and such. It was really rather relaxing but that little voice in my head tells me it was too much. 

Tomorrow I will start the SGD (Skinny Girl Diet for those who don't know) because it seems easier than ABC. I'm thinking once I complete the 30 day SGD I'll move on to ABC and go from there. I'll try to eat more complex foods rather than packaged foods because they always lead to a binge. If anyone's up for it I would be delighted if you would join me on the SGD :) Let me know in the comments....

Yes I wimped out today and didn't weigh myself. I'm SO sorry, but because the last few days have been a bit bumpy I was terrified of a gain. I really couldn't face it if my weight had gone up so I decided to not risk the failure eating and do better this week. I really don't know where all of this motivation goes when the thought of food gets in my head. I must have willpower. I must be strong.

Thanks a ton for the comments! It means a lot to me that people are reading this :) Now, to work on my World History presentation due tomorrow. Woop-dee-doo.

~Love From Cali <3

Persistence and Consistency

I screwed up. Again. For me weekends are my weak point. No school to distract me. No dance to burn off calories. And worst of all late nights where I eat whilst everyone else sleeps. I feel fat. If I keep this up then I'm definitely on the fast track to a much higher weight. Basically what I did today was paint, watch TV shows and make endless trips to the kitchen cupboards. I feel like I have let you guys down and I am so ashamed to post today. But there is always tomorrow and anything is possible.

I didn't weigh today......I'll do that in the morning. I'm going to cry if I have gained. I think I'll go on a fruit fast starting tomorrow. Oh, and about the ABC diet...... I still would really like to do it so maybe I'll just keep doing it and forget about these past two days.

I think the reason I have been comfort/binge eating recently could have to do with some of the drama going on in my life. Like how I had a boyfriend a month ago but then his cat died and he ignored me so I got mad and stopped answering his calls and now we are currently not speaking. It's really petty, I can see that, but I am just so over him and his immature ways. We are pretty much polar opposites and I've found that we have very little, if anything, in common. So, rant over.

The visions of a thigh gap and a flat stomach keep taunting me as I realize the mistake I have made. I don't need food to be happy. I don't need food to feel comfort. I don't need food except right before ballet and occasionally throughout the week. What I'm trying to say is that I shouldn't have to depend of food. Eat to live, don't live to eat. I will do better tomorrow. For your sake, for the sake of this blog and for a thinner future, where you actually will be able to call me skinny :)

~Good luck and Goodnight <3

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Temptations Taken Too Far

  Okay, today has not gone as well as possible. It hasn't really even gone well at all. I just looked in the mirror and it looks like there is a football in my stomach. AWESOME. Not. So lets recap....

The day started off iffy with half a banana and a few handfuls of nuts. I was not supposed to go over 400 calories today so everything must be small. Then at school they were selling lollipops which happens to be my favorite candy so I caved and bought three because for some reason I thought 150 calories was not so bad. I should have saved that for healthy food and not sugary candies. Then came home and had a jumble of things including 3 slices of buttermilk bread (300) which by the way is soooo addicting!! As well as one third of my brother's chocolate bar (157), spaghetti with three meatballs, chips and salsa, part of an orange, and milk with chocolate powder. That list seems SO much longer when I write it out! The upside to this binge is that it will get my metabolism up again so I'm not in starvation mode. That will be helpful for my 100 calorie limit tomorrow :) 

  I want to be skinny. If models can do it so can I. If fat people can lose weight so can I. I WILL be skinny. I WILL be thin! Posting some runway/model thinspo today because they must work really hard to be beautiful. Lets try and be as fierce as these models <3

Chasing Perfection with Negative Calorie Foods

  Do you know the feeling that you'll never lose weight? When those ten pounds seem more like one hundred? When all you want to do is rip the fat from you body and become perfect? Well that's how I feel right now. But if I sit and think I will come to the conclusion that perfection is not that easy. Perfection takes hard work and everything you've got. Fat doesn't drip off of you in seconds or even days, not in this world. If perfection was that easy it wouldn't be worth so much. We always want what we can't have. That is why we will hurt ourselves and destroy ourselves to be perfect. If you achieved perfection would you be happy there? Based on our history we would search for something better, more beautiful and more tantalizing. But for now we will strive for perfection. The impossible. 

"Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence."

~Vince Lombardi

  Anyhow...... What I ate today: For breakfast I had one slice of buttermilk bread (100), I had half a banana (about 48) right before my two hour ballet class because DAMN is it brutal! Then came home and had more leftover spaghetti and three meatballs (360) at my mom's urging. I was supposed to stay bellow 300 calories today but alas I am terrified that my mom will get on my back about not eating. Trust me on this, when she nags she fucking NAGS. If you know what I mean. But I did exercise more today than yesterday because Tuesdays and Thursdays I have a modern dance class right before ballet and we always do 120 crunches and then hold a plank FOREVER! It's painful. Then I did two hours of my level 2 ballet class and felt like never moving again by the time it was over :) Don't get me wrong, I adore ballet but it takes all my energy to keep my technique towards the end of class.

  I am super proud of myself for posting everyday so far! I know I've said this before but it really does help me from binging and it keeps me super accountable. I've noticed with a lot of bloggers that whenever they have been absent a while their next post usually says something about how they were binging when away. I totally get this because on days (like this) when I have gone over my set calories I don't really want to tell you guys and let you down. Thanks to anyone who reads this! You are helping even if you don't realize it :) 

  Weight-wise I think I have definitely (hopefully!) lost some weight. Psyched for Saturday when I'll be weighing myself. Wish me luck!! 

  And now for those negative calorie foods! Most of you probably know about these but for those of you who are not sure what I talking about, let me elaborate. Negative calorie foods claim to use up more energy digesting than they contain. They are not entirely "negative" per say, but they are already low in calories and with the body digesting them they contribute even less calories. They fill your stomach with less calories per volume so they will help you lose weight. Hope this makes some sort of sense..... I found a list of "negative" calorie foods so here they are people :) Much luck to you all!!

Fruits

apple 

cranberries 

grapefruit 

lemon 

mango 

orange 

pineapple 

raspberries 

strawberries 

tangerine  

Vegetables

asparagus

beet

broccoli

cabbage (green)

carrot

cauliflower

celery

Chile peppers (hot)

cucumber

dandelion

endive

garden cress

garlic

green beans

lettuce

onion

papaya

radishes

spinach

turnip

And now some motivation!! <3

ABC Day Two Randomness

  Success! Even if it has only been two days so far I am determined to complete this diet! Yesterday was a little tricky but I think I managed. Today I had ballet to burn off a bunch of calories. Speaking of which, we are  rehearsing for our spring show in May. We are going to dance Coppelia........If you don't have a clue what I'm talking about, well neither did I one year ago when I first started ballet :P 

  

  So, let me tell you what I ate today. For breakfast I had one fried egg (90) on buttermilk bread (100). Pretty reasonable right? I thought so...... anywho. Didn't eat lunch (I never do XD) and for dinner I had about a cup of leftover spaghetti. I say "about" because I'm just to lazy to measure everything I eat. Heh. So that was going to be it...... but then I realized there was more cheesecake left and couldn't resist. Ahg! That stuff will be the death of me I swear!! It's just so damn amazing. So I think that goes a little over 500 calories but ballet can help with that. I also try to chew gum a lot because I eat for comfort so having something in my mouth distracts me. 

  I can't wait to weigh myself this weekend! I'm really excited and UBER nervous. I will be so crushed if I haven't lost anything. Gotta work harder!! Also I have this project due for my World History class on Friday. I think I'll devote tomorrow afternoon to finishing that last minute. I hate procrastinating but I sure am good at it. 

  Lately I have been reading Judith Marie's blog nonstop. When I find a good blog that is still active I like to read it from the very beginning so I have a lot of reading left. I have also gotten super addicted to the show Desperate Housewives which is a TV soap and I usually don't watch those but this one has caught me. So. Just a bit of random information about me :) Best of luck to anyone and everyone!

~Stay Strong People!!~

Winter Wonderland

  It snowed today! Personally I love the snow because it's just so pretty when everything is white and perfect. I also got to get out of school early because my parents came and picked me up. Woohoo! No ballet or dance class though. I was really counting on that but I can always just do some exercise here at home. If we are lucky there might be a snow day tomorrow........ that way I don't have to do my creative writing homework. I won't know until the morning though so I guess I'll do it in just in case there is school :/

  Today was my first day of the ABC diet and I'd say it went fairly well given the circumstances. My brother's 13th birthday celebration was this evening so my grandma came over and we had spaghetti with meatballs for dinner and cookie dough ice cream and cheesecake for dessert. I think I barely managed to keep it at 500 calories because I only ate a little spaghetti with one meatball and a small slice of cheese cake and a small scoop of ice cream. Besides that I ate one piece of buttermilk bread for breakfast which was only 100 calories. Tomorrow I will probably have a piece of bread for breakfast and half an apple for lunch. If I can eat the other half without going over 500 calories by the time I've had dinner then I can have it as a snack. I am really set on going through with this and definitely losing a good 5-10 pounds by the time the fifty days are over. 

  I should really finish my homework and clean my room now........ not fun but it must be done! Posting everyday is starting to really keep me on track and accountable for any food I put in my mouth. I hope this will inspire others to stick to their diets and achieve their dreams of perfect (or as close as you can get) bodies! <3 And now for a little winter thinspiration :)

Perfectionism.

Refusal to accept any standard short of perfection.

This morning I finally weighed myself like I'd promised. Not a very good number but not all that bad either. The scale at my neighbors said 119.4 lbs (about 54.1 kg). I haven't gained anything according to that number, but I have only lost about 0.2 pounds this past week. I think by the end of this week I would like to have lost AT LEAST one pound. Hopefully two. The thing is, though, I have this fear of failure and that is why it is so very hard for me to set goals. I feel like if I fail them I wont be able to deal with it and give up all together. I was thinking that if I actually set a goal and post it on here where I will be held accountable for it I might work extra hard to achieve it. As you might be able to tell, I am a HUGE perfectionist. Last semester I got A's in all of my classes because I couldn't handle not having a perfect 4.0 GPA.

Today I also tried to start the ABC diet but I think that pretty much failed. I was doing fairly well until my mother came home with Chinese food and that put my caloric intake easily above 500. I'll re-do the first day of ABC tomorrow and hopefully lose loads of weight by time it's over.  I've noticed that dinner always ruins the day for me so I'll try not eating anything all day tomorrow so that I'll have room for dinner and cake for my brother's birthday celebration. Two hours of ballet and one hour of modern dance tomorrow so that will be my workout for the day.
I've decided to post pics of myself once I am down to 110.... I WILL get there!
~Stay Strong and Fight On!~

A Belly Full of Cookies

  So I made chocolate chip cookies. Without the chocolate chips. And I eated them. FUCK. I am seriously getting scared about gaining weight. At this rate how can I not. FUCK. Excuse my french.

  Yesterday I caved after I had to eat dinner with the fam. My stomach is NOT feeling good today. In fact ......I look like I am having a baby. Nope. Sorry. Just a freaking FOOD BABY. Barf. Actually I don't purge......it kinda scares me and I hate the feeling of puking. No offense to those who do. Just my personal preference, but whatever floats your boat. I started freaking out today when I realized how giant my belly is. As a result there is now a towel over the full-length in my room. I REALLY NEED A SCAAAALLLEEEE!!!! Tomorrow morning. Tomorrow I will weigh myself.......I am so lazy -___-'.  I have a half plan on how I can possibly buy a scale without my mom noticing. So my brother's 13th birthday is on Tuesday and I still need to get something for him. Because I live about thirty minutes away from town my parents hate driving me anywhere except to school. Hopefully we can go to town tomorrow and I can buy something for my brother at Kmart or something.....I dunno. It doesn't matter where as long as they have video games and bathroom scales. Then I'll have to find a way to get her to go to some other store so I can buy the scale and shove it into my backpack. 

Oh. Wait. One tiny problem. IT'S FUCKING PRESIDENTS DAY TOMORROW!!!! Awesome.

Maybe stores like Kmart will still be open?

Whatevs.

Jealous much!!!